So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
