WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
