you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
