I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
