I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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