I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
USA USA USA
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.