Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Hungover. No words. Just memes.