So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.