You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
