All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode