She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
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