we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
