my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
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No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...