You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
