Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
