I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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