capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This is the high leading the old right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
