There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
