i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
