Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
worst night to have a conscience
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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