Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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