I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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