I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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