what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
