Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
