I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
