He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
