Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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