Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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