the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
