Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
