Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
