you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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