I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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