I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
