You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
