Can Purell be used as lube?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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