Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
