he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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