Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
