i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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