oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
You can't just leave with hair like that
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
