I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
