evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
