and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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