I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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