ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
