My brain says no but my pants say off.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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