after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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