My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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