hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
