____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize