go do what you do best...puke behind churches
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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