I want to have your abortion
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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