Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
