No awkward lesbian experiences without me
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
