Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
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