Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
