My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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