I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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