After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
