i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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