the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
