those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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