He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
