Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
