whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
