I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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