left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
