His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
