I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I need moral support for this bender
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
