I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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