You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
