God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
